May 13th, 2005
A Pleasant Morning be to you, good and faithful LJ readers.
I have been feeling the overwhelming desire to post something on this journal that would accurately describe what has been on my mind this past week, and I can not put it into words. I have tried. I have written paragraph after paragraph only to read and delete it. Ultimately, I am going to just start typing and no matter what I end up with, I am going to post it for real this time. Until Meg reads it, then I will correct all of the gramatical and spelling mistakes. Ultimately, though, this will be it.
There is an episode of "Sports Night," where Jeremy is seeking Dan's advice about a fight he is having with Natalie. Jeremy makes the point, as most men surely do in arguments with many women, that he has a very healthy respect for logic and that Natalies point is completely illogical. Dan says that Natalie does not realize that "a man's past is more important than his future." Neither does Jeremy.
I give you all this short recap into a "Sports Night" episode, to make a point that has been bothering me since Thursday. Why is it that we feel so attached, at times, to the people we once were?
----
Meg spoke at Fusion last wednesday night. She spoke on Ephesians 2:18-22, and it was very powerful. It was also my first time leading worship at Fusion in almost a month. For most of the months of February and March, it felt as if I was kind of heading everything up. Leading worship here, putting bands together there, and organizing the Edge. Anyways, I say all that to say that I was getting burnt out and I asked for a month or so off. It was over that month that I began to really feel it. I was just yearning for worship. I was longing to join together with others and just sing out to him. Surely, calling the music that is sang amongst believers "worship" is a misnomer. Our whole lives are acts of worship. However, God has wired me in a very specific way, and it is by his creation that my soul has the response that it does to music. It was during this time of longing that I really felt God pushing me into that direction. Not into Full-time ministry (sorry Kathy, Phyllis, Bobby, and Walter), but rather as my place within the body.
While leading last Wednesday, I introduced a song that has been playing in my head almost non-stop for the past few weeks, "Majesty" by Delirious. Something about the simple and powerful statement that the chorus makes just humbles me.
"Majesty, Majesty, Your grace has found me just as I am. Empty handed, but ALIVE in your hands.
Singing Majesty, Majesty, Forever I am changed by your love, in the presence of your majesty."
Anyways, that has been really hitting me since last week. The idea that God found us and saved us "just as we were." That we were made ALIVE in him, and we should, therefor, be FOREVER changed.
----------
Why is it that we carry with us any affection for the people we once were?
----------
Phil and Tracy were married on Friday, and I had the very great honor of being a groomsman in their wedding. I love them both and I could not have been more excited for them and the journey that they are beginning together. One of my oldest and closest friends, Nate, was in town for the wedding as he was a groomsmen as well. It was good to see him, although often akward. Nate is like a brother to me. He knows everything about me (as he was my roommate for perhaps the most regrettable semester of my life), and he and I often argue about anything possible. However, at the heart, I have a very deep love for Nate and will always be thankful for the serious talks that we get to have, although few and far between. Well anyway, after the wedding on Friday night, he and I had the chance to talk for quite sometime. It was amazing to me the truth about yourself that you will share when you are not expecting to.
---------
When I was 20, I moved to Orlando to attend UCF. I moved in with Nate Robinson and Brian Durr, two of (what are now) my best friends. Anyways, when we arrived in Orlando we all became involved with as many ministries as possible, because that is what "Church kids" do. Now in reality, my life was trapped in some sins at the time, that I was not dealing with, but we kept on doing the "church" thing. After about six months in Orlando, I was on leadership with Crusade, leading the University High School Young Life and invoved in Bible Study. The whole time, I was dealing with some things in the dark corners of life, and just wearing the "everything is ok" mask. Then, in January of the following semester, I was sitting in the Taco Bell drive-thru with my friend from bible study, Drew. He said something to me that has unbelievably changed my life since. He said, "Rob, we all love you and think you are a great guy, but you have got to be the fakest person I know." The words cut through me. The guys in my bible study. My roommates. They saw through it all. What began that night was a place of real grace and accountability. God using guys who loved me right were I was, and allowing massive change to take place.
---------
The words of the song Majesty grab me because it is my exact testimony in such a real way. God fills my soul with gratitude in the moment when I sing that chorus, and I just can't even describe it.
---------
So the question remains, after all this, how could I possibly feel any affection or have any attachment to the person I once was? I just don't get it. Rather, I am just sick of it. I was dead before. I am alive now. Yes, I am the prodigal son. I have come to my Father and told him that I was not worthy to be called his son, but he clothed me and welcomed me. "My son has come home," he says. I want no longer, on any level, to believe the lie. It ends now. I have said this before. I know. But here is the good news. I will say it again, and again. Everyday.
---------
As Father's day is approaching, and I have been think almost hourly about the story of the prodigal son, let me leave you with a saying that my Dad often speaks to me.
"Character is built daily, but not in a day."
Much Love and Affection to you all,
Rob
A Pleasant Morning be to you, good and faithful LJ readers.
I have been feeling the overwhelming desire to post something on this journal that would accurately describe what has been on my mind this past week, and I can not put it into words. I have tried. I have written paragraph after paragraph only to read and delete it. Ultimately, I am going to just start typing and no matter what I end up with, I am going to post it for real this time. Until Meg reads it, then I will correct all of the gramatical and spelling mistakes. Ultimately, though, this will be it.
There is an episode of "Sports Night," where Jeremy is seeking Dan's advice about a fight he is having with Natalie. Jeremy makes the point, as most men surely do in arguments with many women, that he has a very healthy respect for logic and that Natalies point is completely illogical. Dan says that Natalie does not realize that "a man's past is more important than his future." Neither does Jeremy.
I give you all this short recap into a "Sports Night" episode, to make a point that has been bothering me since Thursday. Why is it that we feel so attached, at times, to the people we once were?
----
Meg spoke at Fusion last wednesday night. She spoke on Ephesians 2:18-22, and it was very powerful. It was also my first time leading worship at Fusion in almost a month. For most of the months of February and March, it felt as if I was kind of heading everything up. Leading worship here, putting bands together there, and organizing the Edge. Anyways, I say all that to say that I was getting burnt out and I asked for a month or so off. It was over that month that I began to really feel it. I was just yearning for worship. I was longing to join together with others and just sing out to him. Surely, calling the music that is sang amongst believers "worship" is a misnomer. Our whole lives are acts of worship. However, God has wired me in a very specific way, and it is by his creation that my soul has the response that it does to music. It was during this time of longing that I really felt God pushing me into that direction. Not into Full-time ministry (sorry Kathy, Phyllis, Bobby, and Walter), but rather as my place within the body.
While leading last Wednesday, I introduced a song that has been playing in my head almost non-stop for the past few weeks, "Majesty" by Delirious. Something about the simple and powerful statement that the chorus makes just humbles me.
"Majesty, Majesty, Your grace has found me just as I am. Empty handed, but ALIVE in your hands.
Singing Majesty, Majesty, Forever I am changed by your love, in the presence of your majesty."
Anyways, that has been really hitting me since last week. The idea that God found us and saved us "just as we were." That we were made ALIVE in him, and we should, therefor, be FOREVER changed.
----------
Why is it that we carry with us any affection for the people we once were?
----------
Phil and Tracy were married on Friday, and I had the very great honor of being a groomsman in their wedding. I love them both and I could not have been more excited for them and the journey that they are beginning together. One of my oldest and closest friends, Nate, was in town for the wedding as he was a groomsmen as well. It was good to see him, although often akward. Nate is like a brother to me. He knows everything about me (as he was my roommate for perhaps the most regrettable semester of my life), and he and I often argue about anything possible. However, at the heart, I have a very deep love for Nate and will always be thankful for the serious talks that we get to have, although few and far between. Well anyway, after the wedding on Friday night, he and I had the chance to talk for quite sometime. It was amazing to me the truth about yourself that you will share when you are not expecting to.
---------
When I was 20, I moved to Orlando to attend UCF. I moved in with Nate Robinson and Brian Durr, two of (what are now) my best friends. Anyways, when we arrived in Orlando we all became involved with as many ministries as possible, because that is what "Church kids" do. Now in reality, my life was trapped in some sins at the time, that I was not dealing with, but we kept on doing the "church" thing. After about six months in Orlando, I was on leadership with Crusade, leading the University High School Young Life and invoved in Bible Study. The whole time, I was dealing with some things in the dark corners of life, and just wearing the "everything is ok" mask. Then, in January of the following semester, I was sitting in the Taco Bell drive-thru with my friend from bible study, Drew. He said something to me that has unbelievably changed my life since. He said, "Rob, we all love you and think you are a great guy, but you have got to be the fakest person I know." The words cut through me. The guys in my bible study. My roommates. They saw through it all. What began that night was a place of real grace and accountability. God using guys who loved me right were I was, and allowing massive change to take place.
---------
The words of the song Majesty grab me because it is my exact testimony in such a real way. God fills my soul with gratitude in the moment when I sing that chorus, and I just can't even describe it.
---------
So the question remains, after all this, how could I possibly feel any affection or have any attachment to the person I once was? I just don't get it. Rather, I am just sick of it. I was dead before. I am alive now. Yes, I am the prodigal son. I have come to my Father and told him that I was not worthy to be called his son, but he clothed me and welcomed me. "My son has come home," he says. I want no longer, on any level, to believe the lie. It ends now. I have said this before. I know. But here is the good news. I will say it again, and again. Everyday.
---------
As Father's day is approaching, and I have been think almost hourly about the story of the prodigal son, let me leave you with a saying that my Dad often speaks to me.
"Character is built daily, but not in a day."
Much Love and Affection to you all,
Rob
posted by Rob @ 4:50 PM
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